Ever been stuck in a hallway? As a student late for class, kicked out of a class? Maybe waiting for an appointment, or on a gurney in a hospital hallway? Hallways are long echoing place filled with doors and behind each one you can hear the buzz of voices, of life. Doors represent choices.

I'm still trying to figure out which of those doors to open. But I want to recount another medical story and then present the challenge that I face.

I have mentioned my issues around blood pressure. They have come up off and on throughout this journey with cancer,

The social media cancer world has its own unique language. Muggles describes people who don't have cancer. "Carcinomies" is a gentle blending of carcinoma and gnomes (or maybe homies) words for loyal friends. It is a word that we often use to describe ourselves. Language as it turns out is becoming more and more important to me.

What a year! I like many others kept thinking this pandemic craziness is going to slow down a bit. But no it just keeps on giving like an overenthusiastic puppy that just doesn't know when to quit.

But there are good things that happen. My watercolour has been a great solace. Another novel. And started in April - a poem a day. So there is that.

Funny that I learn so late in life how important people are. There is no better illustration of this than the recent CIBC Run for the Cure 2021. Billed as virtual this year I didn't expect it to be much about people but it is.

This story actually begins back in June. I got an email calling for sign-ups for the CIBC Run For The Cure on Oct 3rd, 2021. I enjoyed the Run last year so I signed up. Might as well put all that running that I do to some kind of good use.

When Sandra asked me how many different advocacy projects I was involved in, I answered "Just a few." When I finished describing them, we scheduled another call to talk about what was happening in her life.

The time has come to think about the CIBC Run for the Cure. Yup I'm running again. And I have set an ambitious personal goal of $1,000. I'm part of the mentor team from the cancerconnection.ca forum and we have set a group goal of $3,000. Modest I know but it is our first time.

Now you may be asking what my cancer journey has to do with a load of laundry. I'm going to ask you to bear with me and I will make the connection. In the meantime there is a story. I'm afraid it will take about ten minutes. Would you expect anything less? It's a good one. I promise.

Day 1 - June 30 - Morning

Once again I have no clue who will show up. There were more than a few surprises (and some great stories) last year.

July 25th is my birthday. And in my honour, I'm doing it again. And no it is not a Celebration of Life (ie funeral before I die.) But it is another year that a few years ago I didn't expect to have. So I'm celebrating. I promise not to use an old angel food mix this year so I do actually have a proper angel food cake.

Bare feet wiggling my toes in the grass. Must be summer time. I do have a Siwash sweater on and the rain is threatening as I write this. I feel good having the opportunity to sit and ruminate on the last few weeks.

This morning I was a bit preoccupied.

Moving on

Less and less is my life about cancer, and more and more about living each day. A few days ago I used the phrase "the drumbeat of approaching death" with a close friend. The immediate reaction was "Is this your way of telling me that there is progression?" No it isn't. It is a struggle to live with the reality that someday this drug is going to stop working.  There won't be many options.