I'm writing this from a maelstrom of emotions.

Most cancer patients describe the anxiety while waiting for scan results as excruciating. And it is common enough that we have a special word for it - scanxiety. Again I am so fortunate that my doctor understands that and has called me with results or as was the case yesterday scheduled an appointment for the day after the scan to give me the results.

So with a lot of time on my hands sometimes my mind takes me dangerous places. Be warned "Here be dragons" as the old maps used to say. There's a line from the song "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" that goes:

"Does any one know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?"

The Psalmist talks about it too in the tenth Psalm. "God, are you avoiding me? Where are you when I need You?" But then we come to vs 14 - "But You know it all--"

Monday January 7th I handed back the keys to the home Yvette and I had lived in for the last five years. Bittersweet. I wandered around and took a few pictures. Marveled at how quickly the time had passed. Shed a few tears. And then drove away for the last time... And that is that.

This isn't exactly as delivered but it is what I had in front of me as I spoke.

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Eulogy for Yvette

Most of you wouldn't recognize me without this cap so I'm going to be comfortable while I talk to you about Yvette.

Yvette was seanchai - an Irish storyteller. A lover of words. A few short weeks ago she stood here as a lay reader. Most of you didn't realize that she was fulfilling a bucket list item knowing she was going to die soon. Reading scripture was for her a special blessing in a life filled with blessings.

This morning at 3:00am I received a call from Whatcom Hospice House to tell me that Yvette had passed away peacefully a few minutes before. As I drove down (safely so you know) I began making the phone calls to let friends and family members know.

There are stories to be told but they are Yvette's.

I wanted to let you know that our story together is taking its final twists. On Sunday afternoon we made the decision to move to hospice care. Monday afternoon we moved to Whatcom Hospice. https://whatcomhospice.org/whatcom-hospice-house/

So six weeks later it is time to write again. My cousin sent me a note over the weekend to remind me that I was still being prayed for. I took it as a hint to get writing.

He also reflected on his morning reading in "The Message" Mark 16

I get a little weekly devotional guide from a community called Imago Dei. This week the focus was on listening to God based on Isaiah 30:21 "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."   When we talk about listening for God we often think about the still small voice. The focus here though is on being ready to move and the promise that we will hear God's voice.

The surgery journey really begins with a 90 second call on the day prior to the surgery.

"Hi this is Dr Janzen. Is this Angus?"

"Yes"

"So your bilateral mastectomy surgery is scheduled for 9:00am tomorrow. You know you'll need to be there at 7:00am?"

"Yes"

"And when are they doing the nuclear medicine?"

"It's scheduled for 1:00pm today."

"Okay. Great. See tomorrow then. Good bye"

"Wait? Will there be drains?"

"Yes absolutely. There will be four. Two on each side. Any other questions?"

When people start saying "I was wondering how you are doing." It's probably time to put fingers to keyboard again. Yvette and I have been working through Acts in our morning time with God. And it is amazing to see the growth and support of the early church in the face of adversity. Some of that adversity is internal and some of it is external. Peter wrestling with the dietary laws that he grew up with. Paul wrestling with circumcision for Greeks. Persecution by the Jews and the Romans. Through it all the church grows and becomes this amazing witness in the world for the Good News.